I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
