normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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