To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
