ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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