WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
