so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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