i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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