yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
