so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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