i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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