How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
