You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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