i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
