What a fucking waste of an outfit
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Green mimosas i think yes
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
