I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
