I wish i was in the wii world.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
