Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
