Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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