i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
