peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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