Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
