just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
