Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
