I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
