It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Randomize
