Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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