So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
