Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Randomize
