She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
