She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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