i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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