How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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