just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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