I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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