my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
