Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
