I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
