I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
