I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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