pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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