I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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