his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
