Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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