hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
