Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
