I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
