I wannas sexs uuuuu
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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