You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
