its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
he puts the penis in happiness.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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