I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
