I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
