why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
