____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
