considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
