I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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