i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
